It is time to embrace and celebrate ketchup, not be ashamed of it. - Jose Andres
I consistently have some pretty weird dreams. But this one is so beyond weird that I had to write about it. And the crazy part is, it wasn't even the meat of the dream. It was the subplot, the side story if you will. TBH I don't even remember the main part of the dream now because this was so weird and it's all I can focus on...
So I'm at my Aunt's house in Janesville. I bring a couple people with me but I don't know who they are. FTR, they're middle aged men. I sit them all down at the couch and I'm standing in the middle of the room talking about who knows what... At some point in the dream I hand the Javier Bardem looking motherfucker on the end of the sectional, a jar of ketchup (or catsup for my American friends). It's not in a traditional bottle. It almost seems like it's in a jelly type jar. But it's definitely ketchup. (It looked like this but larger.) Now, he's just sitting there holding it, I think I asked him to go put it in the kitchen but he never gets up at all. And I go about my business. But I look over every now and again and the contents of the jar seems to be disappearing. But I never see him eat it. I think to myself "Is he eating that ketchup?" So I continue to preach whatever I'm preaching at these people. But my suspicions are correct, because eventually, the jar is empty. Except for a little bit of remnants that stick to any jar holding a condiment. But it's pretty clean for the most part. So I confront him head on because I'm concerned he's going to eat the glass jar too. Apparently, this guy came to do two things, listen to me talk about something in my Aunt's tiny living room, and eat some ketchup. And he's all out of ketchup... So I take the jar from him and bring it into the kitchen and straight to the sink to rinse it, hoping that no one will notice. Hoping to eliminate the evidence. But my Aunt Cyndy sees it straight away and immediately chastises me for it... Then I wake up...
What the fuck does that one mean?
I do love ketchup. Just the other day, I was literally squirting it on to my hand, dipping a couple of the kid's fries into it, eating the fries, then licking the ketchup off my hand. My sister, witnessing this atrocity, looked at me in horror and tried to offer an alternative. A spot for the ketchup to dip my fries in other than my hand. I politely declined as I was on my way out of the house to take my lovely wife to dinner and didn't have time for such pleasantries.
I know it's hardly controversial and widely accepted to put it on scrambled eggs. I love that shit. But here's where I blow people's minds. I know this is a cardinal sin and frankly illegal in some parts of town... So in that vein don't tell anyone from Chicago this... But putting ketchup on a Chicago dog makes that shit so much better. I know there's tomatoes on it already for a hit of acid, but that just doesn't fix the problem. You know what does? A schmear of ketchup right down the fucking middle of that dog. There, I said it out loud.
Also, I buy fancy ketchup. Sir Kensington's is probably my favorite brand that you can find anywhere. But my favorite ketchup was one that I had when we went to Costa Rica several years ago. I can't find it here. And believe me I've looked. I've tried every fancy and banana ketchup I could find to no avail. Nothing came close to the flavor profile. (Which was a little sweeter and a little thicker than what we get here.) Some good fries and that ketchup... OMG I'm drooling just thinking about it. #sadtrombone
One day we were in California on vacation staying in an Airbnb. So we were going to be eating several meals at "home" and we needed to stock up on even the basics. So we wonder on over to Whole Foods, as it was probably the closest grocery we could find. This was pre-Amazon buyout so if you remember those days, the brand selection was very slim for regular staple items. So we bought some lame ass Organic Whole Foods ketchup. I'm not one to buy into the whole organic food movement. Especially for something like ketchup. But holy shit! It was super close to the Costa Rican version! I did not expect that at all! Now, it's not perfect, but it's good enough to make it my favorite, and the one that I prefer to eat on the regular. If you see "Simple Truth Organic Tomato Ketchup" in your store, buy it!
We can find it at one of our local grocery chains. I think it's a house brand, so if you shop at any Kroger brand store you might be able to find it. Here's an amazon link but it doesn't show it in stock. I think you'll have better luck in a Kroger grocery store (Fry's for my AZ peeps and Pick'n Save for my WI homies.) Good luck on your search! Wait, you mean to tell me that I'm the only one who obsesses over ketchup? Hey, we've all got our things... And mine just happens to be a condiment...